Children & Domestic Violence
More than half of the children whose mothers are battered are likely to be physically abused themselves. Whether or not the children are physically abused, they often suffer emotional and psychological trauma from living in homes where there fathers abuse their mothers. Children of all ages may exhibit signs of abuse, including some developmental delays.
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Older children may be harmed while trying to protect their mothers.
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Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by their mother when the abuser strikes out.
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Although children may not observe the violence, they almost always are aware that it is occurring. Even babies are known to be affected by domestic violence.
(Source: "Sad is how you feel when mom is being beat", The National Woman Abuse Prevention Project, Washington D.C.)
Safety Planning with Mothers and Children
If your child or a child that you know is living in a home with domestic abuse, it is important to discuss safety with them. This could save not only the child’s life, but could also save the life of his/her mother. Below are a few suggestions of points to stress when talking with children about violence and safety planning.
Always reassure the child that the violence/fighting in the home is NOT their fault.
In some cases, children blame themselves for the fighting, believing that if their behavior was better then the fighting would not occur. Be sure to tell him/her that it is NEVER his/her fault when grown-ups fight.
Tell children NOT to get in the middle of a fight.
A child that tries to stop the fighting often gets hurt in the process. Tell children that getting involved in a fight is not a safe thing to do, even though you understand that they want to help their moms. Maybe suggest other ways to help mom, for example, calling 911 in an emergency. Tell children that it is okay to be scared and to ask for help. This is especially important to stress when speaking to teenagers. An alarming number of teenagers in the United States attempt to protect their mothers and in doing so, become involved with the juvenile justice
system.
Find a safe place
Ask children to think about places in their homes that are safe, i.e. their bedroom, or another place that is away from the fighting. If they cannot think of a place inside the home, ask them to think of places outside, or if they know a neighbor/friend who they can turn to in their time of need. Help them think of those people in their lives that they can talk to when they do not feel safe.
Call 911.
Make sure the child knows how to call 911 for help. You can teach children this by writing the number down for them and having them practice on a toy phone. It is important that the child not try to call 911 unless they can get to a phone safely. Teach them what to say to a dispatcher in an emergency. They should know their phone number and their address.
Some questions to ask:
What is your phone number at home?
What is your address at home?
Whom should you call in case of an emergency?
Do you know how to dial 911? Please show me.
For moms:
Open communication is very important when discussing violence with children. When possible, try to keep children away from the fighting. After an explosive incident, always talk to them and listen to their feelings. Assure them that it is not their fault, and that it is NEVER a child’s fault when grown-ups fight.
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